If Only
by Caitiann
Summary: This is a series of little vignettes that take place during the events of TPM. AU, Obidala. One-shot, but I might be persuaded to write a sequel or flesh it out at some point. Thank you guys!


**I don't own Star Wars! If I did, let's say I might have handled things a little differently. **

**A little introduction here, this is AU which means there are a couple of things that happen differently than they did in the movie. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy!**

Queen Amidala lifted her chin slightly in the air. She would NOT let them get to her. She didn't know what their brilliant plan was, but she did not fear any pain on her body. As soon as that thought crossed her mind, it was chased by another- The unwelcome realization that she had a family, and four hand maidens on this planet hit her sharply in her gut. No, these people from the trade federation, assuming they would realize who she really was, would not lay an ugly, misshapen claw on her- they needed her to sign the treaty. She swallowed roughly as she wondered just how strong she could be.

She and her companions were being escorted at gun point around her palace. Every step grated on her sentimentality, but more frustratingly, her pride. With every step she grew angrier at her inability to protect her people. She had worked hard to win this honor of being queen; the people of Naboo had placed their trust in her. _This is how I repay them?_ She thought bitterly to herself. _I've put them all at risk. _It was at that moment of utter despair and disappointment that she sensed something. She couldn't name what it was, but before she could dwell on it for very long, two men jumped from the overpass above.

_Not just men_, she thought, standing a little bit straighter. _Jedi_.

She really could do nothing but watch as the green and blue lightsabers made quick work of the droids around them. She quickly observed the two men fighting. The first, the man with the green lightsaber, stood very tall, and looks completely calm while fighting. He was clearly the master, as the one with the blue lightsaber wore what she knew to be a Padawan braid. The Padawan, moved with grace as well, but his face was intense. She could not help but stare, even after the last droid was dispatched, and the master approached them.

"Your highness, we are the ambassadors for the supreme chancellor." The older man said, as his Padawan learner, and what appeared to be a Gungan stood behind him. It was times like these that she hated this arrangement. She hated not being able to step forward and take charge. That was the role she was elected to do, and standing here in the shadows made her extraordinarily frustrated.

"Your negotiations seem to have failed, Ambassador."

"The negotiations never took place." The elder Jedi said. He then turned to her hand-maiden that stood right next to her. "Your Highness, we must make contact with the republic."

"They've knocked out all our communications."

"Do you have transports?"

"In the main hanger. This way."

* * *

><p>"Nice try."<p>

A hand thrust out in front of her, blocking her exit from the ship. She glared up at its owner. It was the young Jedi. She was not used to being addressed this way, even in disguise, and certainly did not expect it from someone who was here to protect and serve her.

"Excuse me, but I am on mandate from the Queen to accompany your master on the planet's surface, Mr. _Jedi_." She made sure she inserted just the right amount of weight to her words as she scowled at him. What she did not expect was the bemused expression that graced his admittedly striking features in return.

"You may call me Obi-Wan, if you please. But pardon _me_, I was sent here to protect you, and letting you explore a planet on the outer rim seems quite the opposite, wouldn't you agree your majesty?" he said, cocking an eyebrow in her direction. Despite her best intentions, she heard herself gasp loudly. She immediately grasped his arm, and pulled him to the side.

"How did you know? I demand you explain yourself immediately!" she whispered at him, as forcefully as she could manage. It was impossible that their plan could be so see-through. Indeed, the first time that she and Cordé had switched roles, they had fooled even their own mothers. Only she and her hand maidens were privy to this arrangement. There is no way even a Jedi could have simply guessed this. It was too well guarded, too well executed for that.

"My dear, don't you think that Jedi thoroughly research their missions?" he laughed softly, "Your picture is readily available anywhere on the nets." She shook her head, still confused.

"What does that matter? The whole idea behind this is that we look so similar. No one has guessed our deception. No one." She emphasized. It was now her turn to watch his face fall. The heavy pause that followed was uncomfortable. They stood by the open door of the ship, and the heat of Tatooine was mixing with the cool air in the ship. The wind outside was whipping little pieces of sand into her eyes, frustrating her even more. She still did not understand how he had guessed who she really was. Before she could reach a conclusion, he finally spoke, but so quietly she could barely hear him.

"Then it is a very clever deception indeed." Obi-Wan muttered. "Still, I must ask that you do not go on the planet's surface, regardless of your arrangement. If you must, you are free to send another hand-maiden, though I must caution against this. This planet is not safe. By its very nature it attracts the scum of the galaxy." Obi-Wan straightened as he spoke, she could not help but notice. He must be proud of himself for unraveling their little mystery. She cursed herself inwardly. How absolutely childish this must appear to him- the Queen of Naboo practically playing dress up with her friends! Despite the wisdom she knew that their deception had, she had never felt more foolish.

"Mr. Jedi-"

"Obi-Wan."

"Mr. Obi-Wan, then, I am fully capable of handling myself on the planet's surface. However, I recognize your concerns, and would not have you disobey your mandate on my behalf. If you would please ask your master to wait a moment, I will fetch my hand-maiden to take my place."

* * *

><p>Obi-Wan was very frustrated. Qui-Gon was not supposed to be gone overnight, much less a second night now. Obi-Wan knew that he was old enough now and well trained so that he shouldn't be worrying about what his master was up to, but he couldn't help it. He had called Qui-Gon, and based on what he had told him, he was thinking that Qui-Gon had found a new apprentice to take on.<p>

Obi-Wan had tried to shut out the nagging feeling that had plagued him since he had met Qui-Gon that he just wasn't good enough. Qui-Gon had never wanted him, and he ended up just being stuck with him, nothing more. But they had fought together, suffered together, learned together. Qui-Gon was like a father to him now- Obi-Wan couldn't help but feel the pain at him being so eager to replace him with someone better.

That was how Obi-Wan found himself wandering around the corridors of the ship in the middle of the night. He had thought Tatooine was supposed to be hot, but the ship felt unbearably cold. He wrapped his cloak around him, and began his search for some hot tea. He was about to turn into the kitchen, when he heard the tail end of the message from Naboo being played.

"…You MUST contact me!"

Obi-Wan turned into a small room where he saw the Queen, clad in her night clothes, bent over the hologram, prepared to replay it. The look of worry and consternation was etched all over her soft features.

"You know it's a trap." Obi-Wan told her from the doorway. The Queen jumped slightly, but to his amusement, recovered quickly, smoothing her gown, and looking up at him.

"I know." She sighed. "I just can't turn off the voice in the back of my mind that makes me think… What if it's not a lie? What if my people are suffering, while I sit here and do nothing?"

Obi-Wan nodded gently as he walked across the room towards her. "I know that feeling well. In fact, tonight I am a little too inside my own head as well." He guided her gently by the elbow to a nearby table, where they sat quietly for a few moments. "Normally I would suggest talking about it, but I don't really feel much like talking." He admitted with a shrug.

Padme nodded slowly, when suddenly, her face lit up. "Wait here!" she said excitedly, before running barefoot down the corridor. Obi-Wan couldn't help but grin to himself and the youthful exuberance she still somehow maintained.

Padme popped her head around the corner, and grinned at him, holding up a deck of cards. "Wanna play Sabacc!?"

Obi-Wan laughed as hard as he could ever remember.

* * *

><p>"This is a horrible idea." Obi-Wan looked at Padme, rubbing his palms together roughly.<p>

Padme rolled her eyes and elbowed him lightly. "You know, for a Jedi, you really are no fun." She giggled when he cocked his eyebrow at her in that way that she had come to associate with him.

"I believe having kicked her majesty's bottom in Sabacc three nights in a row, I have proved myself sufficiently entertaining." Obi-Wan responded as he looked forward and lifted his chin ever so slightly into the air.

Padme laughed heartily at his dry sense of humor, which was rewarded with a grin from the young Jedi. The two of them were strolling through one of the few gardens on Coruscant. It belonged to one of Naboo's allies, and Padme always tried to sneak in here when she was planet side. As far as she know, the senator who lived by it either didn't know or didn't care that she had claimed it as her own thinking space. She had never brought another soul here, but that was simply because she didn't trust anyone enough to keep her secret; until now, of course.

Padme looked slyly over at Obi-Wan before hooking an arm though his. "You know," she said drawing his attention, "When I'm a senator, I will have a garden just like this."

Just as she had anticipated, Obi-Wan slouched and rolled his eyes at her. He mumbled under breath. "Politicians."

Padme loved that after only a short time she knew him well enough to know how to push his buttons. She reasoned that he had no qualms about teasing her; she should at least be able to return the favor. The pair sat down on the edge of the fountain in the garden, and Padme instinctually put her head on his shoulder. Obi-Wan wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and softly stroked her long loose curls.

"We have to go back to Naboo." She whispered, looking up at him.

"I know." He responded, looking straight forward.

"I'm frightened for my people, and for…" she paused and swallowed hard, "and for you."

Obi-Wan nodded and kissed Padme gently on the tip of the nose. The two of them locked eyes, and held each other just a little tighter.

"I know."

* * *

><p>She sat straight up in her bed. She could hear the men talking outside.<p>

"Get their ship to Docking Port C. They are ready to leave."

"Aye sir."

Leaving? It was barely morning. She got up and peered out of her window. Yes, the sun was barely peeking over the lake, and a thick fog had settled around the grass. Why would they leave this early? They were all up so late last night, Obi-Wan was the last to go to bed. She shivered at the memory of the previous night. He hadn't even moved until the last ember went out on the fire that had engulfed Qui-Gon's body. It was only at that moment when he fell to his knees and sobbed. Everyone else had gone to give the new Jedi Knight some peace. But she had stayed. She shook her head thinking about it. Perhaps she should have left too. She had felt awkward, and out of place. But when she put her hand on his shoulder and he grabbed it, it had made it all worth it. He had pulled her down onto the grass with him, and his tears had soaked her cloak. And that was what, only about 4 or 5 hours ago at this point. He had to be exhausted. Why not sleep, and take breakfast, and then be on his way?

Her thoughts were interrupted however, when she saw his ship fly past her window towards the docking bay.

_Shit_. She thought. They were leaving.

She immediately took off outside of her bedroom door, through her maiden's chambers, and out past the guards in the hallway.

"I'll be right back, don't worry!" She called out over her shoulder. She knew they would follow her anyway, but they respected her enough to give her some space. She pushed open the big white doors of the palace and stood at the top of the long stairs. Sure enough, there they were- The boy and his new master, walking towards their ship. She quickly called out to them-

"Wait!"

/

"Wait!"

He heard her, and stiffened. He was trying to avoid this. He turned to Anakin first.

"Go wait on the ship. I'll be right there." Anakin looked confused, but to his credit, nodded and walked ahead. He took a deep breath and turned towards her. Immediately, all that air that he had just sucked in flew out of him like a punch to the gut.

She was beautiful. Of course she was. She was walking towards him in a white nightgown, barefoot, her long curly hair down past her shoulders, and not a speck of royal make-up masking her face. He winced. He knew the second he saw her, all that careful planning was not going to work here.

She finally reached him, and stood in front of him, a confused look covering her features. "Why are you leaving?" She demanded.

"We need to get Anakin to the temple as quickly as possible. He needs to begin his training. He has some catching up to do." Not a strict lie. It was true, but it could have waited past this hour. He was exaggerating. The way she then cocked her eyebrow at him said she knew it too. But wasn't about to actually call him out on it.

"Okay." She sighed, "I guess I'm out here to say goodbye-then." She looked at the ground and wrapped her arms around herself.

"Oh Force, you must be freezing." Obi-Wan said on instinct. "What in the blazes possessed you to come out here barefoot and no covering?" He removed his own cloak and wrapped it gently around her. She shivered beneath his hands as he rubbed her arms to warm her. As he did so, something wet hit his hand. "Padme, no…" he began, as he reached down to dry the tear that was rolling down her cheek.

"I'm sorry," she sniffled "I didn't mean to…" he chuckled softly. She was embarrassed to be sad that he was leaving. At the realization of her feelings he felt a burn in his heart. She was such a loving, gentle soul, and he would miss her dearly.

"I'm sad too." He said quietly. When he said the words out loud, he almost laughed at the enormity of the understatement. He wasn't sad, he was ripped apart. She was the reason that he made it through last night. Force, the last few weeks. She had laughed with him, and cried with him. She had given him hope and determination. If that wasn't love, what was?

"Padme… I wish… I wish things could be different. But you know the path that we must follow." He whispered as she nodded sadly. "But… know this. Everything that I do now… I do for you."

Her chocolate eyes shot up at him, and in their reflection he saw the truth and reciprocation of what he had said. He smiled wanly, and pulled her close. He kissed her gently on the forehead, and released her as he turned and walked back to his ship. He fought all of his instincts to turn to her and say all the things he truly wanted to. But he boarded the ship, and immediately turned to the pilot.

"Let's go." He murmured. He walked back towards his quarters, and saw Anakin staring at him. "You should be meditating." He said, "I'll check on you in a moment." With that he entered his quarters and let out the breath he only now realized he was holding. He clenched his eyes tightly shut. He shouldn't, but he allowed himself to look out of his window. She was just standing there, looking up at him. There were no tears, no dramatic sobs- just amber hair, and his best cloak, whipping in the wind, and the voice in his head.

_I love you Obi-Wan._

**Thank you guys for taking the time to read my little story! Leave me a review if you loved it, and also if you hated it. Its how we improve as writers.**


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